Wait For You

Accidentally bumped into this song when i open my blogger. One of my all time favorite song > Wait For You by Elliott Yamin.

This song was introduced by a friend of mine to me, he had been chasing me for like 2-3 years? The memories is still vivid in my mind.I got no idea why i am so into this song, the melody and the lyrics maybe? or i had been through the excruciation of waiting someone to come back to my side? Negative!

I am undergoing internship program lately and i am officially a bachelor degree holder after 5 months time. Where would i be after 5 months? Saying in Malaysia? Work in Singapore or Australia? It's time to think of the future and lighten my family burden. Meanwhile, i am planing for solo trip before i really step into the society. I need a gataway so badly.

I am so upset lately, not to mention what is the real reason behind it. I hope this is the right decision and i shall focus on my work now instead, because time is chasing after us. Life gonna be a little bit dull after this, but well, i still can travel alone！Anytime anywhere when i feel like. Peace yo!

Best regards from Mengyan, the writer.

As what i always say, something is better to keep untold.

Life is full with ups and downs, happy and depress. There will be a lot of contrast in life. Without sadness, you unable to feel the happiness, without dark you will never treasure the light. I have had encountered something in life which everyone might face, sooner or later, or even faced. Not to mention what is it, because it is the biggest secret i hidden inside my heart, but i knew, there is a scar.

Whenever i was on blog, it indicated that i am sad, i believe that i am a happy go lucky person, at least what my friends would think i am, in fact, i am not, i just pretend to be happy in front of everyone, and i wonder is there anyone able to realize the sadness of mine by looking deep into my eye, my tears-ty eyes. At this moment, Libun is my one and only one companion, look at me with his big eyes, keep silent and listen to my story, wipe my tears away, but too bad cause he unable to give me advices nor solutions. 

I hope i can get through everything.

Impermanence of Life

I cried in front my my class that day when my english lecturer Miss Susan asked us to do a presentation about introducing ourselves. So i had been thrown a topic - talk about my mom which majority of my friends not familiar with. Yea, i rarely talk about her and none of my friends had seen her before. Whenever i talk about my mom, since i was a kid, i will cry. She went to USA since i was 5, cannot deny that she has gave us a lot, a lot of luxury stuffs. Costly handbags, branded shoes, branded clothes. I love her and i really did.

She might be coming back before Chinese new year. She might. She thought a lot, she unsure if she wants to come back, even through she has already bought the flight ticket. It is a tough decision for her, for a person who already used to be the weather there, used to be the lifestyle there, used to everything there. She finally made up her mind to come back and she delivered everything back to Malaysia, resigned from job, told the landlord that she is moving out and trying to settle everything.

Somehow, life is not that smooth and thing changes in a blink of eyes. My aunt, told my mom a heart breaking news. She went for scan and found out that there is something in her backbone. Not to mention what the thing is but it is not a good news for sure. She will undergo a surgery and take the thingy out for further analysis. Both them cried a lot because of this. My mom struggling if she should come back. I was thinking if i was her i will stay and take care of her because she is my sister and she is the one who be with me all these years. Comes back to the reality, how can a homeless and unemployed people survive there for several months.

A people's characteristic can be revealed with you facing troubles. One my my aunt who is also working there reluctant to take care of my aunt because she wants to work, explicitly, for money. So this reminded me of my grandma (mother's side). When she was sick and laying on the bed of hospital, none of her son nor daughter shown up to visit her besides my dad who is only her son-in-law. Honestly, i hate all relatives of my mother's site, all those greedy and selfish aunt and uncle.

Whoever reading this, please pray for my aunt, hope for the best, hope it is a positive thingy, hope everything will be fine. I hope you are doing fine too. :)

Words unable to describe my feeling right now, it is so sophisticated.

The scene 12 years back is still vivid in my mind, I can still remember how she scolds, how she throws tantrum, how she hurts him. I knew that he loves her so much yet he is startled. He will wear whatever she bought even that is not his style, he would rather sacrifice himself and replace her, he would do everything for her.

I was 10 years old 12 years back and i turned 22 years old now. He confront me today, said that he was really upset and it just made me speechless. I don't know how to respond, not even know how to comfort him. I feel the sadness inside him but i just can't help. I am so useless.

Renovating and starts all over again.

Just roughly go through the dashboard of my blog, I wonder who is the 30+ viewer who actually view my long neglected blog. I had forgotten my blog since i had my diary book which i can write out my personal feelings and thoughts.

Read through some of the posts and i decided to delete all and starts all over again. Just uploaded some photos to family and my gallery pages.